Growing families one circuit at a time
Growing families one circuit at a time
The characters describe moments, not children. Here’s why that difference matters so much.
“He’s our little Impulsive Isaac.”
I understand it completely. It’s affectionate. It’s shorthand. It usually comes with a smile. And when families start using the Inner Team Framework™, it’s one of the most natural things in the world to say. But it’s the one way of using the characters that I’d gently steer every family away from.
Here’s why.
There’s a big difference between these two sentences;
“You ARE an Isaac.” and “Isaac has shown up.”
The first one describes who a child is. The second describes what’s happening for them right now.
That difference sounds small. To a child, it’s enormous. A child who IS an Isaac has been given a fixed story about themselves. “I’m the impulsive one. That’s just what I’m like” There’s nowhere to grow from a sentence like that.
A child who is being VISITED by Isaac has options. Isaac has the wheel right now… and the wheel can be handed back.
What a child believes is temporary, they can learn to steer. What a child believes is permanent, they tend to live up to.
There’s a lovely idea from psychology that sits underneath the whole Inner Team Framework™, the child is not the problem, the problem is the problem.
When we separate the behaviour from the child, even by a few centimetres, everyone gets room to move.
The child isn’t defending themselves anymore, because nobody is attacking them, we’re all just looking together at what Impulsive Isaac needed, or what Negative Nala’s scanner picked up.
That small gap is where curiosity, humour and change all live.
Labels close that gap. Language that externalises keeps it open.
This is the part I most want families to hold onto, no child is one character. Every child has all of them.
The child who gets called “an Impulsive Isaac™” also has Thoughtful Thelma™ in there, pressing pause. The child who gets called “a Nala” also has Confident Charlie™, ready for one small brave step.
When we label a child with one character, we implicitly tell them the rest of their team doesn’t exist.
The whole aim of the Inner Team is flexibility, noticing who has shown up, and practising inviting a different teammate in. Not silencing any character, and never shrinking a child down to just one.
The swap is simple, and it changes the whole conversation:
Instead of “You’re being such an Impulsive Isaac™ today”, try “Sounds like Isaac’s got the wheel right now. What do you think he needs?”
Instead of “She’s my little worrier”, try “Nala’s been loud for her today.”
And the follow-up question that opens the team back up….
“Who else on your team could help right now?”
The Inner Team is an educational language, not an assessment of your child, and it’s not therapy.
If patterns of behaviour or worry are persistent, intense, or getting in the way of school, friendships or family life, please talk with your GP or a psychologist about individual support.
Parent Tip: the fastest way to teach “visits, not identities” is to narrate your own team. “Isaac grabbed MY wheel at the traffic lights this afternoon” tells your child everyone has a team, and no one is defined by it.
The characters were never meant to be boxes to put children in. They’re a language for the moments all of us have.
The characters visit. They don’t move in.
Want to introduce the whole team the right way? Eva Meets Her Inner Team tells the story of one girl meeting ALL of her team, and it’s written so no character is the hero or the villain.
Find it on our website Eva Meets Her Inner Team.
P.S. Thank you for being here. You’re doing such meaningful work for your child’s emotional world. I’m cheering you on, every step of the way.
The Growth Circuit empowers parents with fun, psychology-based tools to raise emotionally aware children.
