Growing families one circuit at a time
Growing families one circuit at a time
The number one thing parents miss about big reactions, and the question that changes how you respond.
“I’m NOT going!”
The slammed door. The homework scrunched into a ball. The child who explodes over the “wrong” socks.
None of that looks like worry. That’s exactly the point.
We expect worry to look worried: a quiet child, a wobbly lip, “Mum, I’m scared.”
But in children, worry often shows up in costume. It can look like anger. Like refusing to go. Like giving up after one mistake. Like redoing the same page of homework three times.
Underneath each of those is the same thing: a brain that has decided something isn’t safe, and is doing whatever it takes to avoid it.
In our Inner Team™ language, this is Negative Nala™. Nala has a superpower called the Safety Scanner. Her job is to look out for danger and keep your child safe, and she takes her job very seriously.
The trouble is, sometimes her scanner sees dangers that aren’t really there. A spelling test becomes a threat. A birthday party becomes a threat. And when the scanner is blaring, children don’t say “I’m feeling worried.” They fight the threat, run from it, freeze up, or try to make everything perfect so the threat can’t find them.
Nala isn’t the enemy here. She’s not trying to ruin your morning. She’s trying to protect your child, using a very sensitive alarm.
When the explosion comes, most of us reach for “Why are they being so difficult?”
Try swapping it for this:
“What is my child’s scanner picking up?”
That one question moves you from managing behaviour to understanding it. The socks aren’t the problem. The scanner has found something: a hard day coming, a friendship wobble, a test, a change. The behaviour is the smoke. The scanner is the fire alarm.
Once the storm has passed and everyone is calm, you can get curious together:
Negative Nala™: “Something might go wrong today.”
Curious Candice™: “What else could be true?”
Confident Charlie™: “What’s one small brave step we could take?”
You’re not arguing with Nala. You’re listening to her warning, then inviting the rest of the team to weigh in.
Next time a big reaction seems to come from nowhere, wait for calm, then try:
“That was a big feeling. I wonder if your scanner spotted something today. What do you think it noticed?”
Some children will shrug. That’s okay. You’ve planted the idea that big reactions have reasons, and that you’re on their team while they work it out.
The Inner Team is an educational tool, not therapy. If your child’s worries are persistent, growing, or getting in the way of school, friendships or sleep, please talk with your GP or a psychologist. Getting individual support early is a strength, never a failure.
Parent Tip: keep a private note on your phone of what the scanner seems to pick up over a few weeks. Patterns often appear (Sunday nights, before sport, after screens) that no single meltdown reveals.
Your child isn’t giving you a hard time. Their scanner is having a hard time. When you respond to the worry underneath instead of the costume it wears, you become the person who helps quiet the alarm.
Want a shared language for moments like these? Eva Meets Her Inner Team introduces Nala and the whole team through story.
👉 Get the book here
Eva Meets Her Inner Team
P.S. Thank you for being here. You’re doing such meaningful work for your child’s emotional world. I’m cheering you on, every step of the way.
The Growth Circuit empowers parents with fun, psychology-based tools to raise emotionally aware children.
