The Secret Superpower Parents Forget: Playfulness

 

Many parents feel pressure to be serious problem-solvers, but play is one of the fastest shortcuts to connection.

Why Play Matters More Than We Think

When kids are upset, it’s natural for us as parents to shift into “fix-it” mode: explain, reason, or calm them down with words. But sometimes words just don’t land. That’s because in a heated moment, the nervous system is running the show.

Here’s the science: when children laugh or play, they activate the social engagement system, the part of the nervous system that signals safety. This helps to down regulate the sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight part) and brings their body back into balance.

In other words, laughter is a nervous system reset. Play tells your child’s brain and body, “You’re safe now.” And once that sense of safety returns, the “thinking brain” comes back online, ready for problem-solving, empathy, and better choices.

 

Play Builds Emotional Literacy

Play isn’t just about silliness, it’s also a bridge to deeper understanding. Role-play, storytelling, and imagination give kids a safe space to try out different feelings and voices.

This is where the Inner Team comes alive, we can use them in a playful way:

• Pretend to “be” Confident Charlie and role model or let your child imagine what he would say in a tricky moment.
• Let Impulsive Isaac bring in playful energy when things feel stuck, try a tickle or quick play fight when children feel frustrated this help rest the nervous and move them back into the social engagement system.

By playing kids practice emotional flexibility. Using the Inner Team like this kids learn to practice emotional flexibility and feelings don’t have to be overwhelming they can be expressed, explored, and balanced through connection.

Playful Parenting in Action

Here are a few ways to use playfulness in everyday parenting:

During a meltdown: Instead of pushing for calm, try a silly face or exaggerated yawn, if you do it in an Inner Team voice like Caring Claire or Curious Candice, it often breaks the tension just enough for your child to re-engage.

• For transitions: Turn “time to pack up” into a race, a robot challenge, or a dance-off.
• In tough conversations: Role-play what each Inner Team character might say, this helps kids see different perspectives without feeling pressured.

Remember: play doesn’t erase the problem, but it creates space for connection. And connection is what calms the nervous system most of all.

 

You Don’t Need to Fix Every Moment

Parenting isn’t about always having the right answer. Sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is lighten the load with a laugh (this is true for adults and children). Impulsive Isaac reminds us that play has power and when his spark is teamed with Caring Claire’s compassion, the result is laughter + love.

That combination is often enough to reset a child’s body, restore connection, and make space for the problem-solving to come later.

 

Ready to Bring More Play Home?

If you’d like playful ways to introduce your child to their own Inner Team, check out our Eva Meets Her Inner Team  and other tools designed to turn everyday parenting moments into opportunities for connection and growth. If you haven’t already, jump across to our socials and follow for lots of tips.